When most people think of marriage they think of many common benefits that it offers to each spouse. It offers financial stability, financial rewards, companionship, friendship, sexuality, and intimacy. It offers a degree of pride in the spouse that you’ve chosen. It offers someone to show off at the company party, to go with you on a picnic, to join your family, to provide you with children, etc.
Why this article is entitled “The Dead Battery Syndrome?” Many years ago I filed a divorce for a 55 year-old lady. Things were progressing rather smoothly. She and her husband were above average economic means, and finances just did not seem to be a problem. Their children were grown and were well adjusted. One morning I came into my office about 7:15 and the phone was ringing. I didn’t answer it the first time, because I did not want to be disturbed on a project that I was working on. It immediately rang a second time and I did not answer it. Then it immediately rang a third time. On the third ring I realized it was probably some client frantically trying to get a hold of me. I assumed that it was someone who either had some type of major emergency, or thought that we were supposed to be in court at 9:00, so I picked up the phone. My client was on the phone in a near hysterical state. It took her a minute or two to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong.
It seems when she went out to get in her car to go to work her battery was dead. Now I’m thinking that I am a Houston divorce attorney with a Bachelors’ Degree in accounting and finance, I’ve got a Masters’ Degree in finance and accounting, and I have a Doctor of Jurisprudence — — — I really don’t know much about batteries except they go dead and you hire a mechanic or a wrecker driver and it gets fixed for a price. I finally asked her why she was calling me about a dead battery. In sheer frustration she said “my husband has always taken care of these things and I do not know what to do.” The light bulb went on — there are intangible benefits to marriage that this lady had never thought about and certainly never valued. I advised her to call a neighborhood service station. Later that day she called me up and thanked me for my advice. I wonder how many times over the years she had thanked her husband when she had a dead battery — probably never.
Many times couples focus on the big items that one expects in marriage. What they don’t realize is that marriage offers a whole lot of real small intangible benefits, that when added up, really enrich one’s life, enrich the relationship, and are undervalued. Some of the intangible benefits are simple things — like taking care of the wash, going to the grocery store, paying the bills, being present when a repairman has to come during the day, running an errand at 10:00 p.m. for a sick spouse, bringing a spouse a glass of water when he/she is in bed, asking a spouse how his/her day went, finding an article in the newspaper that you know is of interest to your spouse, etc. If more people would stop and reflect upon the small and intangible benefits of marriage and realize that the intangible benefits of marriage really do make your life a lot richer, maybe a few more marriages could be saved and not end in divorce. So the next time you have a dead battery, instead of being mad, think of the intangible benefits of your marriage, put a smile on your face, and give your spouse a kiss.
